Confessions...

I confess I'm a jerk.

There. I said it. Its not like a secret or that its something amazing... Its just that not many people like to admit it.

Well, I had to. Its long past that time when I used to delude myself that maybe I am sorta kinda a straightforward person who's got some sense...

NO WAY...

Life is way long past that one.

So, how do we carry on from there?
You know, once when I was about 17 years old... I prayed VERY devoutly and with full belief to God, that He should just give me a sign, something that would point me in the right direction.
I prayed that the sign should be something so special that I would have no problem in understand its origins to be divine. I had tears running down my face, and needless to say I was a mess... Problems at home, problems at school, problems with myself... I was in the dumps.


There's something that didn't occur to me.
If God was so gullible to send me the sign... I would've been blind to it.

But then something happened.
My mum always says, children hold a special place in God's heart... It's the grown-ups that need to be looked after.

So one fine day, after playing basketball in Yol Cantonement with my best schoolmate Abhishek Gill, we went up to a pastry shop in the army complex.
Abhishek said, " aaja tujhe bhaiyya se milata hoon."

And that day was THE day, if not the sign, that was the beginning of my change and improvement.

Hats off and my everlasting gratitude to Abhishek Gill,
and to the one person who single handedly brought me around...

Sourabh bhai.

Abrogation of the norms...

Life turns up such a surprise for you some times that you are TRULY TAKEN ABACK.
Not the 'literary' taken aback...
You're just forced to stop in your tracks... Look wide-eyed... Maybe howl and clutch at your hair in frustration and disbelief.

Now I don't mean to say that that's ALL there is to it. Various emotions range across the human spectrum but these are the general stereotyped reactions.

Now I'm glad to say that I'm out of that phase. I did undergo all that last month. Ergo the psyche took its toll at a bad time, indeed.

I've got my final exams looming in front of me this July.
After graduation, I'm going to check the waters.

I found a catchphrase to define my status...

Depressive Realism.

I'll do some research I guess. Its too exact to be a coincidence.

Maha Shivratri

Who knew 24 hours could mean so much...

Since yesterday... My whole life has changed. And this time I'm going to make it permanent...

A lesson has been learned.

A puzzle has been solved.

A dream has been shattered.

A love has been lost.

A friendship regained.

A resolution resolved.

An idea thought of.

My life has changed.

For the better or the worse, I don't know concretely, but definitely, definitely changed.

HOW THE HELL COULD I BE SO GULLIBLE??

FOR THE SECOND TIME IN MY LIFE!!!

I'm the biggest sorry assed loser in this universe.

Damn.
All I wish is for this to become a bittersweet memory of love lost and wisdom gained.

Because I'm going to funnel it all into my creative muse, and its going to coalesce into something that I have been after for such a long time...

A BOOK...


Cogito ergo sum...

In sickness and in health...

I'm going to make up my own marriage vows.

No stereotyped stuff for me! I mean, I can imagine myself saying, I do...

And that's embarassing.

It was a strange day today. My friend Shipra's birthday. Rushed off to her house with another friend of mine to drop off a surprise birthday cake.... (she'd already left, but we went on my bike and gave it to her sister instead... sneaky)

Well that went nicely.
Then there was a huge collective sigh of relief when it was decided that our current teacher would be continuing the class on time as well as taking up the immeasurably boring subject of Software Quality Testing.

The course material was more like a tabloid... Same thickness.

So it was a strange day. Nothing accomplished, but it went well.
And then we're planning a surprise hop to Chandigarh, this weekend.

SO thats cool.

I only hope things work out, the things that are supposed t o work out don't work out till last and the stuff that you think is dealt with unravels itself in a continuum.

Disgustingly real.

PEACE.

"Beautiful World"

That's a song by Coldplay...

It sums up my feelings to the core.......!!!

It was such a wonderful 29th of February, so special because of how the day unfolded, as well as because of the fact that it would repeat itself after only about 3 more years...

Ha ha, ha ha, ha...
I couldn't sleep last night so I turned on the idiot box.
Watched cartoons for 4 hours flat out then went to sleep.

Man that was weird!
Alternate and unreal realities are confusing, especially in sleep-deprivation-induced haziness.

I got up early.
For a sunday, that is...

Today started up normally. I don't like sundays particularly at this point in life.
I re-installed my PC today. Kept scanning it for 4 hours... 69 files were infected.

THEN I LEFT.

Now I'm just thinking about last night. I kept watching MTV Roadies 5.0, and I felt so bad that Snehashish got voted out.
God darn it.

That was the first thing that came into my mind when I woke up... The guy's wide-eyed but gutsy expression when he was given the VOTE OUT.

Anyway.
Life is beautiful, even in vote outs and backstabs.